Author: Milena, The Relationships Service – Counsellor
Ah, Christmas! That time of year we imagine as cosy, full of laughter and joy. The movies tell us it’s all about togetherness, family, and love. But if your relationship is already feeling strained, the festive season can just as easily stir up tension as it does joy.
As a relationship counsellor at the TRS, I often see couples who dread Christmas more than they look forward to it. Between family pressures, financial stress, and unrealistic expectations of “perfect” festivities, even the strongest relationships can wobble. So, if you’re already navigating choppy waters, here are some thoughts and strategies to help you find a calmer, kinder path through the holidays
1. Acknowledge the Pressure: Don’t Pretend It’s Not There
It’s easy to slip into autopilot and hope that the “Christmas spirit” will magically fix things. But pretending everything’s fine often just pushes problems underground.
Instead, take a moment together to acknowledge that this time of year can be stressful. You might say, “I know Christmas is meant to be lovely, but I’m feeling anxious about it. Can we talk about what would make it easier for both of us?”
This simple act of honesty can stop small frustrations from snowballing into big blow-ups later.
Everyone brings their own picture of Christmas to the table. Perhaps one of you dreams of quiet nights in, while the other can’t imagine not spending it with extended family.
These differences aren’t wrong, but they do need managing. Sit down and talk about what matters most to each of you this year. Is it time with family? Rest? A bit of fun?
Try to build a shared plan that honours both your needs. Compromise doesn’t have to mean losing out. It’s about finding balance.
2. Set Realistic Boundaries and Stick to Them
If your relationship is already under strain, overcommitting is risky. Endless social gatherings, long drives, and too many opinions from relatives can quickly fray tempers.
Give yourselves permission to say No, even to family. Protect your time and energy so you can focus on what truly helps you reconnect, rather than just ticking boxes or pleasing others.
3. Keep Communication Gentle
Tiredness, alcohol, and high emotions can turn even small disagreements into major arguments. If a conversation starts to heat up, take a pause. Go for a walk, step outside, or simply agree to revisit it later.
A useful phrase here is: “I want to talk about this, but I think we both need a breather first.”
Remember: you’re on the same team. It’s you and your partner against the problem, not you vs each other!
4. Create Moments Just for the Two of You
Even if it’s just half an hour with a cup of tea after everyone’s gone to bed, make space for small moments of connection. Watch a favourite film, write each other a note about what you’ve appreciated this year. Small gestures can go a long way in reminding you why you’re together in the first place.
5. Let Go of “Perfect”
Social media and festive adverts bombard us with glossy images of smiling families and magical Christmas mornings. Real life is messier, and that’s okay.
If things don’t go to plan, try not to see it as failure. Sometimes, the most meaningful moments come from imperfection: the burnt roast, the silly joke, the unexpected quiet.
6. Seek Support if You Need It
If your relationship feels especially fragile, consider reaching out for professional support, even just a few sessions can make a big difference. Counselling isn’t about blame. It’s about learning new ways to listen, respond, and reconnect.
We can help, book now on our website www.relationships-service.org.uk