How to Talk to Your Male Partner About Counselling — And What to Do If He’s Not Ready
Opening up a conversation about counselling with your partner can feel daunting — especially if he’s never considered it before. For many men, societal expectations around masculinity can make it harder to talk about emotions, let alone seek support. But if your relationship is under strain, or you’re simply looking to strengthen your connection, counselling can be a powerful step forward.
Here’s how to approach the conversation with care — and what to do if he’s not ready to take that step just yet.
1. Choose the Right Moment
Timing matters. Try to bring it up when you’re both calm and not in the middle of an argument. A quiet walk, a relaxed evening at home, or a moment when you’re both feeling connected can create a more open space for the conversation.
2. Use “I” Statements
Rather than saying “You need counselling,” try framing it around your own feelings and hopes. For example:
- “I’ve been feeling a bit stuck in how we communicate, and I think counselling could help us understand each other better.”
- “I’d really like us to feel closer again, and I wonder if talking to someone together might help.”
This approach avoids blame and invites collaboration.
3. Reassure Him It’s Not About Blame
Some men worry that counselling means they’re “in trouble” or that they’ll be judged. Reassure him that relationship counselling isn’t about pointing fingers — it’s about creating a safe space for both of you to be heard and supported.
4. Share What You’ve Learned
If you’ve done some research or spoken to a counsellor yourself, share what you’ve found. Sometimes, just understanding what to expect can ease anxiety. You might say:
- “I found out that the first session is just about getting to know the counsellor and seeing if it feels like a good fit.”
- “It’s not just for couples in crisis — lots of people go to strengthen their relationship.”
5. Be Patient — But Clear
If he’s hesitant, give him space to think about it. But also be honest about your needs. You might say:
- “I understand if you’re not sure right now, but this is something that’s really important to me.”
- “Even if we don’t go together right away, I might start on my own to help me understand how we can move forward.”
What If He Still Won’t Go?
It can be painful if your partner refuses to attend counselling. But you still have options:
- Start on your own: Individual counselling can help you process your feelings, build communication tools, and decide what’s best for you.
- Focus on what you can control: You can’t force someone to change, but you can take care of your own emotional wellbeing and set healthy boundaries.
- Keep the door open: Sometimes, just seeing the positive changes in you can encourage your partner to reconsider.
You’re Not Alone
At The Relationships Service, we understand how complex relationships can be — and how hard it can be to ask for help. Whether you come alone or as a couple, our experienced counsellors are here to support you with compassion and care.
If you’re concerned that speaking with your partner might not be safe, we encourage you to book an individual appointment with us first. This can be a safe space to explore your situation and discuss how best to protect your wellbeing
Ready to take the first step?
Talk to us by calling 0300 003 2324 or visit our Contact Us page.